Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
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This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
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my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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