would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Blood and glitter go together right?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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