Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
