dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
wow bdsm is so cute
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