well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
