is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
