i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
