i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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