That's when you crack a 10am beer
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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