Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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