Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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