He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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