I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
