worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
