i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
