I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
