life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
