Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
