How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
