On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
We left the knife in your bed.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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