batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
