so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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