1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
