Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
