Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
