4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
