I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Bang-toberfest begins!!
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
