Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
