I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize