I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
