I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
