i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
