dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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