i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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