it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
