don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
