I heard we made out
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
