O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
