I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
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Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
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They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.