my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here