dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.