who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
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he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.