So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.