There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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