Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
