I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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