over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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