Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Randomize
