Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
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