Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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