Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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