There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
