I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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