And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
How external is "for external use only"?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
