I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You ruined the universe
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
