I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
