I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
