your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
