At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
