Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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