jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
