my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
