so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
