i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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