I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
