I like my sex mixed with concussions.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
