I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
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