So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
