I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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