Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
