i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
