what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Randomize
