I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
