i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize