Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
