That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
