I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
