Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
